Mothers

Yesterday was Mothers Day. Since it was my first Mothers Day, it was hard not to reflect on the mother-child (especially mother-daughter) relationships I have witnessed, or been a part of...

My own parenting style is influenced by how my mother raised my sister and me. I think that it's impossible to avoid, because that is the "way" we have always known. It almost always makes women more like their own mothers. I know this isn't something we strive for, but it just sort of happens. I never realized the amount of love, fear, and pride she has had in her heart, watching us grow up. All those emotions are on full-throttle from day one, and after experiencing those emotions on a daily basis myself for the last several months... I'm humbled.

On the other side of the family, Ron's mother (Sarah) is the matriarch of a growing extended family, four children, eight grandchildren... she is as happy as any grandmother could be. She has so many reasons to celebrate Mothers Day, and deserves a little special attention and thanks for all she gives to us. This year, however, she spent Mothers Day on an airplane, on her way to England... after hearing that her own mother, almost 97 years old, has taken a turn for the worse. A family member sacrificed financially to get her a plane ticket to see her mom. Sarah needs to see her mom before she passes away, which could be very soon. I can't imagine what the mind of an older woman is like, having to think about your own mother passing on. Sarah will struggle with this, but her mother has lived a long and fulfilling life. I hope that she finds peace in being with her over the next couple of weeks, if they are her last. I never met Ron's grandmother Julia ("Grandma England") but I feel connected to her in a small way. She is Lucy's great-grandmother. Seeing children at the beginning of life, and thinking about an old woman nearing the end... I suddenly feel like I'm standing in the eye of a storm, beautiful, calm, and frightening.

I remember wanting to have a baby and wondering when or if that was going to happen. I promised that if I could have a baby I would never take her or him for granted, trying to bargain for pregnancy. All too easily I broke that promise, since the days go by so quickly, and we have this amazing child that keeps us busy, laughing, and exhausted. Last night I snuck into her room quietly while she was asleep, and it was like I was seeing our daughter for the first time again. (As cliche as it sounds) I kissed my fingertips, reached into the crib, and gently touched her.